Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
