Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
