at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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