her vagine was all disorganized.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
