Swine flu. Run for my life!
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
