Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
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I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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