he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Say something about gay babies.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
