I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Randomize
