My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
