my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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