just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
