New low: just hacked my moms facebook
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
