I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
