but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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