didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
