this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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