Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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