we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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