i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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