Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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