I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
