Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i wish my penis had a tongue
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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