and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
