new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
