Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Boobs speak an international language.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
