I will die if light touches me.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
