Don't make out with my wife yet
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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