I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Randomize
