I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
