Do you still have your period?
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
