you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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