Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
