you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
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