I think I am morally bankrupt
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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