Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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