I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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