but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
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