Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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