I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
