I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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