you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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