im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
