I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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