im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
