I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
