Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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