Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
