The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
