so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
