If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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