hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
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buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
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Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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