DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
