I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
