No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
