It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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