so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
