She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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