So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
