Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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