My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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