Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
