YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
