she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Randomize
