I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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