sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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