You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
