I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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