I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Randomize
