Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
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