Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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