I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
