Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
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