Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
